What movie finally broke my tolerance and unashamed proclivity for over-dramatic, over-acted, and in general, over-the-top Lifetime productions?
Lies My Mother Told Me includes pretty much everything that is required in a Lifetime movie:
1. It's "based" on a true story
2. It's a story about women loving and supporting each other through adversity, with some vague lines about empowerment
3. As with all Lifetime movies, the plot jumps back and forth from present day to past events. It begins with ominous, flashing lights from a police car, an investigation/questioning, and the shifty-eyed heroine hugging herself and on the verge of tears, if not already crying.
4. Really flat narration
5. Sad flashbacks must in muted, sepia, or gray tones. Happy flashbacks are in bright tones. The present day is normal.
6. At least one carefree dance scene
7. At least one person with a fake Southern accent
8. An emotionally and/or physically abusive male spouse
9. MURDER
10. MYSTERY
11. Lots and lots and lotssss of crying. If someone isn't crying or scrunching up their face in preparation for waterworks once every five minutes, that means the movie isn't conveying enough emotion.
12. At least one person goes to jail
13. At least one person (either the character or the actress) wears a fake wig
14. A free-spirited, ambitious, and outgoing girl who just found herself in difficult circumstances and therefore should technically be forgiven for her deeds of murder, lying, kidnapping (Serious Moonlight), drugs, or prostitution (The Client List).
And here are some of my favorite Lifetime movies
The Client List, a classic
Pregnancy Pact does indeed depict a serious issue of teen access to open sexual education and birth control...but try not to laugh at some of the lines.
William and Kate doesn't premiere until April 18, but I am already in love with it! Did Lifetime actually hire British actors with real accents?! That's how you know they're taking it seriously!
And now I leave you with Sarah Haskins' "Target Women: Lifetime." We love you Sarah, come back!
I think we should also consider a regular Classy British Period Drama night. By which of course I mean Jane Austen adaptations. And Downton Abbey/whatever else we can get our hands on.
ReplyDeleteEmma even if it isn´t actually a classy british period drama? or how about british comedy night?!?
ReplyDeleteif we don´t have time we can watch episodes of things and THEN watch oscar wilde interpretations until we die.
EVERY NIGHT IS A DIFFERENT KIND OF TV WATCHING NIGHT. NO ONE WILL PASS IS
wait i just read pride and prejudice. out of jane austen adaptions. oh wow this brain.
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